Essay #8
David
Mr. Salsich
Pine Point School
8th grade English
Loneliness
An Essay About Dill Being Lonely In To Kill A Mockingbird
Most people are social and like to be with their friends and family because they have fun with their friends and have memorable times with their family. Although people like to be alone at times, no one likes to be lonely. Lonely people feel desolate and left out. Loneliness is pointless because you can take the initiative join others as Dill did when her /ran away from home in To Kill a Mockingbird.
(TS) Being lonesome is something nobody should experience. (SD) In To Kill A Mockingbird,
Dill, cracked under pressure and ran away from home. (CM) Although his parents loved him and bought him things, Dill escaped from home because his parents, "didn't seem to need him." (CM) Dill tells Scout that his parents spend lots of time together but not much time with him, "they just wasn't interested in me." (SD) Running away must have been a tough choice for Dill to make, but going to a place like the Finch's house, where he is treated like part of the family, makes him feel much better. (CM) When Dill sees that his parents spend no time with him, it makes him feel like he isn't needed. (CM) In contrast, Dill feels satisfied when he is in Maycomb with Scout and Jem. (CS) When compared to the way Atticus treats Jem and Scout, Dill's parents don't treat him with value the way he deserves to be treated.
(TS) To me loneliness is pointless. (SD) In life, you must look at the bright side of things, not the dark side. (CM) The only reason why most people become forlorn is because they are being negative towards themselves. (CM) Most humans think of the bad times, but never emphasize on the good. (SD) Being lonely for me has never been a problem, but I have seen people that are lonely. (CM) For example, my sister, Catharine was lonely once because she couldn’t go over her friends house like all her other friends. (CM) She felt left out. This feeling is one reason many people become lonely or depressed. (CS) Loneliness can be avoided in so many ways if everyone was included in everything and treated equally.
Being alone does not always mean your lonely. People can chose to be alone or chose to be with others, as Dill did. As Mark Twain said, "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself."
David-
ReplyDeleteI really liked the closing sentence in your second body paragraph because of your accurate conclusion about how loneliness can be avoided. My first suggestion points to the first paragraph of your essay. You use the word treat four separate times in your second chunk. Maybe you could use description words that would describe the feelings for poor treatment. A suggestion for your second body paragraph would be to keep consistency with your topic sentence. You can do this by developing a plan to show the reader how loneliness is pointless in the SD and CM. Congratulations on having identified social inclusion as a way to conquer loneliness.
Great Work!
~Ali
David I really liked your CS I love how it tided in with your par. and it was a great way of explaining things. One thing i didn't care for so much was when you said depressed in your last CM because I think being lonely can lead you to being depressed but on something on that scale where your sister got left out I don't think somebody would become depressed from that. Also your TS should be a little more explained just so the reader will get an understanding why you think loneliness is pointless. So far so good Keep up the good work!
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