David Garbo Jr.
Pine Point School
4/20/11
Essay #13
Pine Point School
4/20/11
Essay #13
In my eyes, love is a word that I don’t understand beyond my family. Because of my limited experience, when I think of true love, I think of my parents. As a teenager I am just beginning to understand the subject of love, but still have lots to learn.
True love is something that is often has a rare occurrence. When true love occurs it’s extraordinary. Sometimes people think that they are falling in love with someone when they really aren't. I think that when I "fall" in love, all my peers will be able to tell. True love doesn't happen instantaneously. A couple will usually have to work hard, and build their relationship from the ground up; I think this is how true love will happen for me. True love can happen when you least expect it. True love is an amazing thing, and everybody should have the chance to experience it.
One couple I know that is definitely in true love is my parents. The first thing I think of when true love is brought up is my mother and father. My Mom and Dad have had their hard times, just like most couples. In the end true love brought them back together. In any relationship there will always be times of anger. If the couple truly cares for each other, true love will bring them back together. I truly believe this is what happened to my parents just last year.
Love is truly an amazing thing, and I definitely understand that. My life has had a great example of what true love can really do. The best gift my parents ever gave to me was getting back together, and I will always recognize how they cherish one another.
Self-Assessment:
What I Did Well: One thing I thing I think I did well was my conclusion. For some reason this conclusion seemed to click for me.
One thing I can work on: Something that I definitely could have worked on is my first body paragraph. For some reason, I had a very hard time getting my thoughts onto paper.
Grade I Deserve: I think I deserve a B- for this essay. There are a few problems that could be polished more, but I think i did well.
David, I really liked your first body paragraph. I especially liked your closing par and how you feel that everyone should be able to experience love. I just think that at the end of your fourth sentince you should say " that I fell in love", just so people understand that your talking about yourself falling in love.
ReplyDeleteGreat job David
Dear David,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your two body paragraphs about "how you think real love will happen to you" and the "true love" of your parents.I like how perceptive you are about "love", when you wrote that "a couple will have to work hard, and build their relationship from the ground up." I know first hand because of my parents divorce.I would suggest that you omit the word has in the first sentence. Also, I would suggest that you use a period after the word up in the sixth sentence.
Great Job!
Ali