David
Paragraph 1, Essay 6
Mr. Salsich – English
Surprised Atticus Could Shoot Essay
A Paragraph About the Children Being Surprised in To Kill A Mockingbird
Everyone has a different opinion on expressing your talents. For example, Atticus is amazing with a rifle but doesn’t want to tell anyone. I believe you shouldn’t be cocky but always be proud of yourself.
(TS) Growing up one of the only things I thought my dad could do was work. (SD) As a kid my dad told me he had always had a horse. (CM) During his childhood one of the first video recorders was just invented. (CM) When I saw a video on the computer of him riding around on a horse I was blown away. (SD) When my dad was growing up he didn’t have enough money to take horseback riding lessons. (CM) He told me he learned by trial and error. (CM) My dad definitely wasn’t the kind of person to ride a horse, but he told me he had a lot of fun doing it.
Atticus is definitely humble about his skill with a rifle. Maybe there is a reason why Atticus doesn’t want anyone to know about his skill. When the kids found out about his skill, they were definitely astonished.
David, I really liked your (TS) it really hooks the reader into reading your paragraph. Your first (SD) didn't make much sense to me, I think you should have said "he shot the MAD dog" instead of saying he sot a dog because the reader wont know what dog. Also in that same sentience you added Tim Jonson and I'm not sure why.
ReplyDeleteDavid,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your essay.I especially liked the second (SM)when you said Miss Maudie "drops the bombshell when she said,"I saw that One-Shot Finch""because it caught my attention.I would suggest you check your sentence structure for your first (CM). I suggest you check your punctuation for that sentence which will make your writing smoother.For example:I would change the period after the word read to a comma and continue the sentence. I think your essay is going to be great with a few changes!Good Job!